Panto from the Stalls. Laughter, Stew & an Education!

A good teacher, like a good entertainer first must hold his audience's attention, then he can teach his lesson.

John Henrik Clarke

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"A good teacher, first like an entertainer must hold his audience's attention, then he can teach his lesson." {John Henrik Clarke}
Having made it back to Lewisham Monday night, the past few days have all been about relaxing and making the most of the time off before heading back to work!  On Tuesday I paid another visit to the V&A's panto archive and flicked through a few more gag books trying to quell the withdrawal symptoms and on Wednesday I chilled out at home, playing a game and watching some TV whilst I waited for Sandy to finish work, before making the drive up to the Midlands!

All season there have been two shows I was really looking forward to seeing, "Sleeping Beauty" at the Wolverhampton Grand and "Snow White" at the Brum Hippodrome.  And now the time had finally arrived!

First of all it was Wolvo, and after stopping off at my nan and grandads for a requested stew and dumplings (it's my fave) followed by rice pudding (both home-made) we set off with N&G.  Me and Sandy always get them a ticket for Christmas, as they really enjoy it and it's a great night out.  I've always gone to Panto with my nan... usually via coach on a trip from the local residents association where they live, gobbling our packed sarnies and sweets on the way.  Today however we're much more civilised and instead throw down wine or G&T's!

Joe Pasquale was playing Muddles and this was the last leg of the 5 or 6 year tour for the production.  I've never seen Jow in panto before, but being a fan of his since receiving his "Live and Squeaky" video one Christmas as a youngster, I was eager to see him this year.  He'd been cheeky, naughty and hilarious in Spamalot, pre season, so I was looking forward to a few pointers.  What would follow wouldn't disappoint.

The show was very funny, and Pasquale was on form with lots of energy and madcap gags and slapstick.  The use of a leaf blower and attached toilet roll was a joy and I'm sure that will be cropping up in other pantos over the next couple of years!  If they can afford the modifications of course.

During the interval we all agreed how much we were enjoying it and were happily chatting away when I got a tap on the shoulder.  "I'd heard you were in this evening Mr Brook!"  It was the lovely Martin hope, who was company manager on my first YAT panto.  "Would you like to come and meet Joe after the show!?"  'OMG' (as all the kids say - it's Oh My God for my older readers) YES!!!

The panto was a triumph and although a shining example of the Qdos Panto machine, it showcased some great talent and some lovely moments.  Afterwards I met with Martin and headed backstage where we were greeted by Joe, now changing for the aftershow party.  "Ah you must be Jamie!"  obviously Joe has just been working with Bonnie in Spamalot and Dancing on Ice, so Martin must have mentioned the link.  He was great and gave me a few tips and words of encouragement, before telling me (I explained I was off to Brum the following day) to "send my love to the boys!" refering to some of the Brum cast... unfortunately I'm not yet as well connected as he assumed - but it was nice to think I gave off that impression.

So thanks to Joe for taking the time to see me.  Thanks to Martin for setting it up and thanks to Royston, my grandad for triggering it all off.  We were getting our programme before the show, when my grandad announced to the lady behind the till, "He's just finished panto!  He was Buttons in Guildford!!"  Now I have to admit I went a little red... but this moment of pride from Roy of the Rovers led to the meeting, so it was worth my initial blushes! Tar Pal!

I must mention how wonderful I though Ceri Dupree was as Dame!  He had an elegance and true command of the audience, not too dissimilar to Danny La Rue, from whom he had obviously taken inspiration (actually wearing one of his auctioned dresses in one scene). He looked great, interacted well and with real wit and met all the criteria of a Dame perfectly!  He is someone I'd travel to see in future.

We move to Friday and in Birmingham, after the regular nightmare of navigating the road system and parking of Brum, we were sat in the Hippodrome, waiting for the most anticipated panto of the season, in Qdos' premiere venue, with a production that has received so much coverage due to the list f stars gracing the stage and a TV documentary following the shows progress, and one of it's stars, Panto virgin, Gok Wan.

Gok, was joined by Paul Zerdin & Sam, Matt Slack as Odd Job, John Partridge and his Winning Dorothy Danielle Hope as the Prince and Snow White, with the wonderful Stephanie Beecham as the wicked Queen and GARY BLOODY WILMOT as (his first) Dame!!  Expectations were high!

The Channel 4 documentary had painted a picture that wasn't necessarily favourable for Gok.  It had looked weak and left many who spoke about the show afterwards if it was going to be a car crash.  It wasn't! Although Gok isn't a natural panto actor (or mainly singer) he played his part!  Being the man in the mirror, he quipped with Steph and roused the audience on every entrance.  There were a lot of women there to see him and him alone!  Whether he'll do it again is yet to be seen, but I think Qdos and safely say they got away with it.

As for the rest of the cast. Well... they were a match made in heaven!  Stephanie was granted with such a dominate role, as I'd seen in Guildford, but she still owned the stage and played the villain perfectly, with a little added sauce for the dads.  Partridge and Hope despite the age gap made a 'lovely' couple and I was really surprised with how Hope played Snow White.  There was no sense of "reality star - dumped in to make money" so often seen, and she demonstrated a adept skill in panto acting - it is very particular, believe me!   She wasn't patronising, didn't try to be funny and told the story well.  I'd like to see her again too!

Wilmot was fabulous, and I was only disappointed he wasn't on stage for longer.  I'm sure if he develops his Dame act, he'll be granted more and more stage time - especially in the smaller theatres where he'd be top of the bill.  Why waste the talent and mastery!?!  Paul Zerdin was on form as ever, but I do feel that he maybe needs to change his act up a little now.  I've seen the the audience puppet mask and animatronic puppet routines numerous times now, and it's quite obvious whats coming, as both have been on TV.  In fairness however, he was still very funny and demonstrated why he is top of his game!

But the star of this pantomime for me, and the one who I took away most from over the whole season was Matt Slack!  I'd never seen him before, although PG had told me he was a great guy after working with him a few years ago in Woking, before he converted to the YAT!  I'd love the chance to sit down and pick his brain... ask for a few more tips... and I think he would be a good bloke to just have a pint with too!

His act was so engaging, very easy to watch, without any awkwardness or cringey moments (this does happen sometimes with the older comic/younger heroine combo) and he is genuinely one of if not the funniest panto comic I've seen.  Even Sandy, who's still quite new to the Panto world has said she'd happily travel to see him again!  He has plenty of cheeky asides and rapport with the audience and was clearly enjoying his work.  I took a lot away from that show, in particular his performance, and although I have a different style and look to Matt, there was plenty of material that I'd love to try... it's all been logged in my panto grey matter.

I saw a review describe this pantomime as an 80's variety show with a few lines of story.  This is definitely not the case.  Yes the show features some variety... but don't most pantomimes?!  And for me it's a nice route for Qdos to be heading down... a theory that I will cover in my next and in fact final post of the season!

For now, Ta-tar
JB - BB

No Rest For the Wicked!

When you start out in a team, you have to get the teamwork going and then you get something back.  {Michael Schumacher}

They always say that "All good things must come to an end" and although I'm always disappointed when the season comes to a close, this year I was truly gutted! It had been a tough one, what with new challenges, illness and flooding but blimey I had some fun.  And after the season ended on that Sunday.. the fun didn't stop there.

Monday morning, and I find myself in Debenhams, plate in hand collecting my "eight item breakfast" and coffee.  I pulled out a chair and set down with my new "workmates!"  It was the YAT crew, and today I went from "honorary" member to full blown, 'blood, sweat and tears' worker.  Liza has asked me (as she had last year) if I was free to help with Panto clear up.  As I was unable last year, I thought this was the perfect opportunity to earn my stripes.  Sandy was working Sunday and Monday so there was no rush to head home and as she had pointed out, it was a kind of closure for the run. 

I wasn't ready for the shock and trauma of seeing the stage so bear and unpanto like so soon though!  Obviously the set had been struck by the crew Sunday evening, and all that was left were lights, a few props and lots of "stuff" that we were there to sort and pack away. 

Now I make no claims to be a strong physical type.  I am what is known as... weak!  But I got stuck in as much as I could.  I was hoisting chairs from storage, moving lots of 'heavy looking' boxes and sorting hundreds of screws and fittings.  One of my main jobs - which I loved was painting the stage.  Paint rollers on long broom handles painting the floor.  There was a team of four of us, including Orla from wardrobe and follow spotter Rosie, who I managed to trick and block in with my paint.  I told you we had fun!  Poor girl had to take her socks off and walk across the wet paint... I felt no guilt!

Then we headed out side, in the rain to dispose of some debris from the flood damage.  I'd taken my shoes off to avoid the paint and opted for my much loved panto slippers (already in need of replacing) which were now obviously getting... quite wet.  Unfortunately they went into the skip themselves  a little earlier than anticipated.  It emerged that a homeless (or maybe a drunk) had decided to leave us a little "parcel" by the watersheds, which my slipper somehow managed to find!  In I went to find an alternative... the company wellies, last worn on stage as a joke when we were flooded.

We had created a chain of people passing all the sodden wood and boards down towards the skip.  At one point some small wooden dowling rods were being passed along the line, one by one, prompting Rosie to ask "Where have all these poles come from?!"  Still obviously in Panto mode, "well that's the new immigration laws" I replied!  We even had a member of the public joining our chain to help pass the rubbish at one point.  How cool are we if we make trash removal look fun!?

The Brit for lunch and quite simply an amazing burger... Going to be a long time before I regularly frequent this place again!

After lunch and now the sad bit.  Chopping up the theatre Christmas trees.  Two of them have been on the roof during the season and after the crew managed to get them down it was up to me and Scott to break them down and skip them.  The plan was that I would take off the branches with the axe, whilst Scott used the Chain saw, to break up the trunk... perfect for Liza's fire!  Unfortunately he had some 'technical difficulties' and by the time he'd got power, I'd stripped by tree... and gosh that was hard work!  

Thankfully though I didn't lose any fingers or toes. Although I probably have pneumonia from being out in the heavy rain and thunder storms!  I was soaked to the bone!

We had to laugh at the image on the front of that weeks Surrey Advertiser if anyone realised who I was whilst chopping away, outside the theatre.  "Panto star destroys Christmas!"  thankfully no such report went to print!

It was great to spend the day with the crew!  We had a laugh, as we knew we would and ended the day, after I'd showered and put my only change of clothes and socks in the dryer, by playing dodgeball on stage.  The iron was brought in to create a walled court and the balls from our opening number became the 'ammo' for the game.  It was so much fun, although unfortunately my team didn't win.

There is only ever one way to end a shift for the YAT crew and that's a trip to the Brit, so we were back for a beer or seven (just one for me - driving) and a fantastic spread laid on by Liza and the pub!  We had sarnies, pork pie, quiche, some healthy muck and... best bit of all... Cadbury's fingers with dipping sauce!!!  That is an idea that shall soon be created at Number 43!!  We all had a great chat and a giggle, before I said my goodbyes and set off for home.

I'd left all my gear in the dressing room, knowing that it would be easier to collect it today and so popped back into the Arnaud after fetching my car.  The corridors were only dimly lit by the emergency lights and the place was eerily quiet.  I've wondered the backstage area alone before, when I used to work here, but it felt very spooky, considering the hustle, bustle and excitement I'd become used to over the past two months.

I popped into PG's dressing room, now missing his sleeping bag, false lashes and yankee candle - odd to see it so empty.  I then headed up to my own room and removed all my stuff before, sitting for a moment or two thinking about all the fun and achievements of the past 9 weeks.  I even had my own underscore... I'd recorded the band playing the overture before we'd finished!  How Melancholic!!!

Thankfully I still have some audience viewing to cheer me up!
JB - BB

Another "Fantastic" Panto Season Ends

"Focus on the journey, not the destination. Joy is found not in finishing an activity but in doing it." {Greg Anderson}

It's all over... Oh yes it is!!  And I couldn't be more disappointed!  I've had such a great season and it's been such a joy getting to finally play the lead comic.  And hopefully it won't be my last!  As it was our final show, and keeping up with my trend of altering my rhyming couplet, today I did it for the final time with "This Panto season's at an end and it's truly been a blast.  So love and thanks to audience, our wonder crew and cast!"

And it wasn't just me changing it up.  Will (Danidini) had said to me he wanted to try and catch Kit out and wondered if he should change his couplet.  I offered up a couple of alternatives, one of which he eventually went with, along with a warning that "by the time the audience have clapped, Kit will have thought of something else."  'For six weeks I've stuck to script but this trick I cannot miss.  So shimmer over here Kitty and grab yourself a kiss!" was the line he went with and it got a nice response from the audience... and Kit!  he cheered and ran over for a smooch, providing him more than enough time to rearrange his couplet unscathed.  When the curtain came down, a cheer went up and everyone hugged with congratualtions and some sadness.  I caught Kit, who said Will had caught him off guard. "Who could've written that?" I asked him knowingly.  "You!  You little..." and I won't put the expletive to paper/screen.

Obviously we didn't have Bonnie for our last two shows, she was skating, so we said goodbye to her on the Saturday evening.  For this occasion I'd planned to say "So the Baron's paid my wages, to be rich is rather nice. So I'm off to buy a new TV to watch my Fairy Bride on ice!" This time though, it was Kit who got there first, having a similar idea mentioning "for all of us, go get 'em on the ice!"  A more fitting tribute... but I had to refer back to my scripted couplet as I couldn't rhyme "rink" or "blades" quick enough.  So thanks to Bonnie for being so great during the run and good luck on the ice!

There was lots of funny goings on and mishaps for our final show... and I wouldn't have wanted it any other way!!  Reports just into the new year said we had a very small audience for the final show, but by the time Sunday came we had a nice crowd in, with lots of people who had come back for a second time.  A friendly audience meant we got laughs in all the right places and lots of wrong places too! 

Now as regular readers of the blog will know, the word 'mishap' is synonymous with PG and KHH.  Following their final rendition of "Together Again" just as they were leaving the stage Kit's wig toppled off, leaving him exposed and in a fit of giggles.  of course, as I've mentioned before, they enter straight away in the next scene and have econds to redress the wig, so innevitably it never looks quite right.  And Sunday was no exception.  Yet again we were all in a fit of giggles, only for PG's wig to come off when he fell off the bench.   Dave, second in command on the crew took loads of pictures for me from the wings... unfortunately you don't see the wig off here...

The Kitchen scene was lots of fun too.  Knowing that Alice would have learnt my tongue twister "BFFWLYAWALYETYOLMLAB" ("best friend forever who loves you and will always love you even though you only love me like a brother!") after teasing her with last week, I'm suppose to cut her off after 5 or 6 letters, I kept silent and let her do the whole thing and take a round!  S

he looked relieved!

We had numerous hecklers in again tonight.. and this scene provided thems plenty of opportunity.  Thankfully as tonight was a friendly crowd the heckles were well placed and easy to handle.  My favourite was the quite common "I'll marry you Buttons!" tonight yelled by a fella, to which I replied... "No thanks mate - you've got that little extra something that I just don't go for!"  that got a good laugh and I looked back down to my diary... when I looked up and added "And notice the word 'little'!"

Talking of my diary... Vicky came up to me after the show and said "I know you're quite sentimental.. would you like this?!"  so my diary now actually belongs to me... along with all the rude/funny messages and pictures I penned to try and make the others corpse. 

Vicky and I are both big Gary Wilmot fans, and I had arranged with the blessing of Jamie barber that I would make an extra entrance on the final show.  Firstly in the woods I copied his old trick of leaning up the cloth tree which not too many cottoned on to... I didn't do it for long enough!  But then in Act II, just outside the ball, there is a cloth that has a fountain on it.  During the blackout I rushed on before the ensemble entered and stood, hands cupped, swigging the 'water' as they came on.  I wiped my mouth, looked at the audience and ran off, getting a great response... so I shall be looking to the sets for more laughs in future.

My final note in this post reverts us back to the ghost gag scene.  As I was at on the bench by myself, nobody else on stage and the audince there in front of me, the realisation of this run hit me.  Without trying to make this sound like a scene from a Hollywood weepy, things seemed to go into slow motion and I could see myself from behind, in silhouette doing the routine.  In that instant I thought back to rehearsals, opening, the reviews, all the laughs and a sense of pride washed over me.  I had done it!  We usually let out a little cheer at the end of the sequence during the routine, but in this finale show, feeling as proud as I did, out came a massive roar of excitement!!  This was one happy Brook! 

I hope I've put any doubters to bed and made many people proud.  I also hope that the powers that be will feel that they made the right decision in taking the gamble on an unknown.  The feedbacks been positive and the reviews favourable... but you're only as good as your last job... so lets hope I'm in a similar role next season!

For now it's good bye, but don't worry!!  There's a 'post panto post' or two to follow.

JB-BB 

The Final Catalogue of Gaffaws

I'm happy that I have brought laughter because I have been shown by many the value of it in so many lives, in so many ways. {Lucille Ball}

I think it's been pretty obvious over the course of the run how much fun has been had by cast, crew and audience alike.  As I've mentioned before, the main aim is always to entertain the audience whilst telling the story, but if you can put together a group of people who genuinely enjoy what they are doing and make the most of the pantomime season together, this can only be a positive - and this is exactly what it's been like at the Arnaud this Christmas.  We're even blessed with a great group of Juves and Chaperones!!  

The posts of my "Brummie Buttons Blog" have been litered with jokes, ad libs, tumbles and fumbles from start to finish, combined with the drama of hecklers and flooding to spice things up a little and make this year one not to be forgotten!  As it draws to a close we have a final post featuring some of the mishaps of the final few shows. 

I was over joyed to get the Nunn joke in one evening.  We'd got a rather lively X-Mas party on the first few rows, all very jolly and wearing sparkly hats.  "oh look, we've got three nunns in this evening Ladies and gents!  Aint got Nunn, don't want Nunn and never gonna get Nunn!"  This is an old favourite of mine so was chuffed to get it in, even if it was only once.

In the final week and a half, Cinders hat in the kitchen/dress up scene has become a star in it's pwn right... upstaging us more than the plopping ponies.  Quite by accident initially the bow flopped over Alice's face so she had to flick her head back to get it out of her face.  This allowed me to mimmick her   through out the song, which always went down well, even on occasion having to get down onto my knees to attempt to look under the hat to see her face.  Sometimes I'd ask her if she "had torrets".

On performnace PG had a little mishap with his make up, coming onto stage with slightly... what's the word..?!... SCARY eyebrows!!  They were so high above his eyes that he a constant look of shock and surprise on his face.  I started laughing in the wings, before I went on but couldn't hold it in.  "Are you alright?  Have you had an accident with your eyebrows?"  PG being PG played up to this for the rest of the Act, pulling faces and staring at me whenever he got the chance.  That evening he came on again... this time having painted on very thick, diagonal brows, which made him look furious!!!  Obviously there were references to this throughout.

PG was the cause of much on stage giggling a show or two later when he broke the chair whilst trying on the slipper.  He sat down preparing to do his slipper switch, but was completely thrown by a very loud cracking sound... I will never forget the look on his face, laughing as I write this, as he turned his head towards me with a mixture of hillarity, fear and the unknown.  Fortunately (or unfortunately depending on which way you view it) the chair didn't give way.

He obviously has to blame someone for the dodgy chair, that being me.  Earlier in the same show, during the kitchen scene Alice had accidently knocked the chair over when she stood up describing what the Uglies had done to her ticket.

"TEMPER TEMPER!!!  It's alright Cinders... calm down.... Don't have a strop!!!" I told her, resulting in a corpse from Alice.  Moments later when Cinders had 'turned me down' I walked over and knocked the same chair over, looking at Cinders and saying "hmm!" - a strop of my own.  In PG's mind, it was this that weakened the chair.  We think not... the trial continues!   

Another thing I always smaile inwardly upon hearing on stage, is a really loud and over the top laugh from an audience member.  Maybe you've got a guy who laughs like Frank Bruno or a child that laughs in all the wrong (or right) places.  Or perhaps maybe you have a lady, quite excitable, who has a rather high pitched trigger laugh.  Well one evening thats exactly what we got.  "Blimey, I called out in the kitchen scene as I exited "who let the hyena in?  Are you alright love?!"

It set up beautifully for when I came back on in my tiger onesie... after the initial laughter caled down and I'd done my 'roar' I turnbed to the woman and said "careful luv, I eat hyenas!!!"  another great response!  I kept this theme a couple of shows later, when I heard Kit mention the lady he was picking on with the ball ticket, was wearing animal print.  "I don't know what animal it's meant to resemble, but it's an animal all the same!' I heard.  So I went on and when Cinders referenced the audience member for 'ripping' her ticket I followed it up with "Oh... Julie(?) how could you?!  And dressed like a Zebra as well!"  This got a nice laugh and pbviously set it up for "Careful luv, I eat Zebra!"

The final gaffaw I can tell you about spawned from the disaster the theatre had gone through over the Christmas weel.  So it's quite nice that something good came from the trauma.  I've already mentioned how we were referencing the floods thoughout certain shows, but this takes the prize!  I'd been thinking all run... the way Tom (Princey) flies backwards when pulling the slipper off Kit (false leg skit) we're going to lose it in the pit one night.  Sure enough this did happen... and it happened when the pit was still under two foot of water.  We al watched in the apparent slow motion that always happens in moments like these, as the show fly up into the air and down, smack bang into the middle of the flooded pit, resting on the now floating decking.  30 actors and 600 audience heads fllowed it as it plopped into its watery grave!  

Obviously there were plenty of ad libs flying around.  "Oh dear Cinders you're going to have soggy feet now!"  "have you got any wellies Cinders?" etc etc.  But obviously we were stuck... we didn't have a shoe to try on.  immediately I thought... we must get Cinders out the cupboard!  I cut the script and called out from down centre... "it's alright boys and girls... Cinders told me she still has the other show, but I haven't seen her, have you?!"  Cries "in the cupboard" came flooding down as hoped.. we were back on track.  that was however until a crew member, unaware I'd got a plan and trying to be helpful, grabbed the second shoe off Cinders and passed it down stage left to Tom.  

"Ah!" I said... "ok someone else had another plan, so what we're going to do ladies and gentlemen is pretend that the past 30 seconds haven't happened."  It was great for the audience!!  When we got to the scripted section for getting her out of the cupboard I played on the "Deje vu" and "right as I was saying a few moments ago...!"

But obviously the fun wasn't over there.  Cinders didn't have "the other shoe" anymore so we had to try and get around that, and poor old Cinders was hoping around on one heel, causing great amusement for the audience.  

The door knocked!  "Who could that be?" the baron asked.  Me:  "probably the RNLI coming torescue the show!"  and when I was doing my round up before the songsheet I told everyone how "cinders was running around the palace in circles!" acting it out as I told them.

I couldn't let the moment pass of course and so my rhyming couplet became 

"So the Baron's paid my wages, the cheque it has come through,

so I'm popping into Guildford to get Cinders a new shoe!"  cheers from cast and audience in appreciation for what had unfolded!

What a funny and eventful run!

JB - BB

The Hecklers Training Ground

Laughter is the valave on the pressure cooker of life.  Either you laugh and suffer, or you get your beans or brains on the ceiling. {Wavy Gravy}

There were a lot of things making me nervous about Panto before we started.  Lots of pressures and expectations.  But out of all of them three were more dominant.  The singing or rather the carrying of a song, the songsheet and handling the children and finally the ad-libbing. I like to think I've proven my ability to follow the script and get the comedy across, but in these three areas, I would be laid bare!

I see as many pantomimes as I can each season, read and watch lots of comedy material, and have researched lots of gags and skits in the V&A's panto archive... always jotting down good ideas and funny gags - hoping they will commit to memory.  This research has served me well over the run, giving me a substantial ammo, to use in different situations... not least against hecklers.  

I love a heckle.  In the right place and time, a well judged heckle can make the show for some audiences, especially if the Dame or lead comic has a witty retort.  There are certain places in the show where I came to expect certain lines from the audience or even cast members and would be a little bit disappointed if they didn't come.  

One of my favourites came quite early in the run, when I explained that there was "no one left for" Buttons.  "Marry the Sisters" came a giggly ladies advice...  "No thanks Luv!!  They have that little extra something that just doesn't do it for me!"

We had two very helpful childen (on seperate occassions), who upon hearing Cinders tell me that she loves me "like a brother" shouted "You're mean" and "That's a bit harsh!"  These were gifts.  We both false corpsed a little and I continued my lines "Like a brother?  That's a bit harsh/mean Cinders!"  Reusing the heckle really struck a chord with the audience and always got a good laugh, so I'd try and do that whenever possible.

Then of course you get heckles which, if not handled correctly, could jar the plot somewhat.  We experienced a few times, especially with the pre-Christmas school audiences, children advising Cinders not to marry the prince... "Say NO!!!  Marry Buttons!!!"  I'd often react with a cheeky smile, wiggle of the eyebrows and the occassional thumbs up, which often worked really well, if I was at the time, head down and sulking.  Then there was the kid who kept shouting "she's in the cupboard" throughout the whole scene, even before all the characters were on the stage.  Obviously you have to listen to the audience, and if you have a rowdy bunch in and have to skip ahead a few lines thats no big problem... but, a whole scene?!?!  Eventually I called out... "We know she's in the cupbiard, we've read the script - bare with us we'll get her out in a minute!" 

I love with a capital L people whistling or shouting out comments like "I'll marry you Buttons" or "we love you Buttons"... it's a friendly heckle and gives lots of scope for reaction.  "I know luv, you're only human" "Calm it darling" or "I don't blame!" are all effective.  Usually once someone has shouted and you've passed comment that's it - you move on, but one particular show we had a very frisky lady, sitting at the back of the theatre.  She'd made comments about loving Buttons and I'd replied each time, adding in another fave of my... "Thank you sweetheart - dressing room five!" but she simply didn't stop.  Eventually I made a gag about her not following the conventions of panto and "spoiling the show!" telling her "I'm trying to do some serious acting here!"  It was all done in good spirit though, so she even made it into my rhyming couplet...

"The Baron's paid my wages and the money I don't lack.

So we're going on a double date with the woman at the back!"

Panto is family entertainment, and as I mentioned you can rest pretty easy that any heckles will be friendly, polite and probably aid you in the comedy stakes.  Imagine how shocked I was then, to receive the heckler from hell....

It was the monday night before New Year's Eve and everyone was in good spirits!  The show went up and straight away from Bonnies entrance this guy started making silly comments.  Tom would come on, when announced as 'Prince Charming' to which would come "he wishes!" and the sisters took their share of the aggro also.  But I think it's pretty fair to say that I took the brunt...

Now, before I go further I need to clarify, the man in question was a family man, with his wife and children, simply trying to have a good time; although myself, the cast and the rest of the audience would probably question his timing and humour.  It started with banter regarding my accent... but not the usual word or two, he was throing in whole sentences and phrases, trying to be funny and suggesting that the reason Cnders didn't love me was because of my voice.  A positive "I Love you Buttons" from a lady elsewhere lead to me telling him "see... some people like me accent!"

But this man simply didn't shush... he was relentless and although I came back to his jibes as best I could, eventually I ran out of ammo.  I'm a comedy actor after all not a stand up turn.  The final scene with Bonnie and Alice, was difficult and I could see on other audience members faces that they were getting tired of it.  We decided tto try and ignore him the best we could and not to react to any more of his jibes.  Easier said than done of course.

We arrived at the ghost gag scene and I am suddenly left alone, centre stage with two water pistols.  I couldn't miss the opporunity.  "Now, what is the current conversion rate?  I think it's two squirts for every heckle!"   wry smile and a slow, turn of the head in his direction, prompted a knowing round of applause from the audience.  they knew whatw as coming and could obviously tell I now had the upper hand.  Yet still he shouldn't abuse... "i aint afraid of ya!" etc etc.. that was until the ghosts all ran on with pistols... "See mate.... I've got friends! - Ok goolies... GET HIM!"  suffice to say he got a soaking. 

I did think at one point maybe this bloke was paid to come and put me off... he was obviously a pro.  In my final "sympathy grabbing" scene he called out that I should "get the coach back to Digbeth, Cuz no woman around here will love ya!"  Charming fellow.  I had to tell him "you're not home mate, you cant shout at me like you do your TV!"

To add to my trauma, another fellow shouted out that he'd marry me, which led to me telling the audience "All I'm left with is Him (the proposer)...HIM (Mr Heckler).... and my memories, all bad ones tonight!"  And low and behold I only got two kids up in the song sheet, both of whom were the hecklers.  

"Do you find your Daddy shouting out funny?!"

"NO!"

"Thank heavens ladies and gentleme, it doesn't run in the family!"

Not only that, the stage door keeper decided to add a joke name to my shout outlist.  I normally check all the names, just in case, I used to put false names in when I was ushering, but this show I was too busy and too flustered.  I went on and shouted with a ounce of shame "Happy 65th Birthday to Hugh Jayness! Where's Hugh Jayness!  Oh no.... is that a joke!!! "  I looked into the wings, "Tonight of all nights!  Really?!  After I've had to put up with him?!"  I think the audience felt my pain.

To close this rather lengthy post and an evening that seemed to go on forever, I altered my rhyming couplet to;

"The Baron's paid my wages and it's quite a hefty packet.

So I'm off to buy a Muffler for the guy who's made a racket!!!"

Thanks for the education mate, but please.... Don't come again - at least not until next year!

JB - BB

A New Year... but the Naughtiness Continues....

The trickster's function is to break taboos, create mischief, stir things up. In the end, the trickster gives people what they really want, some sort of freedom. {Tom Robbins}

Well a lot of us may have been battling bugs this past fews weeks, but we certainly havent let it dampen our spirits.  And now as we approach the end of the run, everyone is really relaxing into their roles and enjoying themselves, before its all over.

I've purchased a few little masks and trinkets, that I can use from the wings to try and make the ensemble chuckle... not whilst they have to speak I hasten to add.  Just a bit of fun.  So far we've had comedy glasses, the Queen and a pig to name a few.  They are at least the ones I am able to describe, with young readers in earshot. 

I had another 'little angel' up on stage last week; a young American lad, quite sure of himself but a comedy gift.  He had received an iPhone for Christmas, despite only being about 6 or 7.  Why I wonder would someone this age need an iPhone?  But it seems to be quite a common thing.  

"Now, if you struggle with the words don't panic...." i began to reassure the kids, before being cut off.

"I know the words, because my music teacher taught it to me!"

"Oh right.  Ok then!  Well i suppose if you struggle, you can always look up the lyrics on you're iPhone!"

Nice laugh from the audience and back to to preparing to sing, before he interupts again.

"No, because I've left my phone in the car!" this kid meant business.

"Oh you've left your iPhone charging in your Porsche have you?!  never mind!  Anyway..."  another good laugh and this time silence.  I think the Guildford audience liked the whole banter and the lad was in fact lovely!

This did lead to the first of numerous changes to my rhyming couplet, at the end of the show.  I'd already rewritten mine, to make it relevant about my accent.  "So the Baron's paid my wages - I'm rolling in the dosh.  So I've ditched me Brummie accent and started speaking posh!" which always gets a good reaction, after my accent has been ridiculed throughout the show.  So this night I changed it to [The first bit always remains the same, So the Baron Paid my wages.] "...I have a fortune of my own.  So I'm popping into Guildford to buy a new iPhone!"

Another reinvention of the couplet came when a little girl of four, when asked her favourite character during the songsheet, replied "Snow White!" to which I replied about her being "a year early!" and "I liked Snow White as well!"  At the end I said "... my fortune is a sight. So I'm off down to box office, for some tickets to Snow White!"

Poor old Alice, being on her feet for most of the show, has on a couple of occassions been having to really squeeze her foot into the slipper in the final scene, which always gets a knowing titter from the adults.  One night last week though, the damn thing just wouldn't go on, to the amusement of all the cast.  Another couplet change, "... no more money issues.  So i'm popping into Primark, to get Cinders bigger shoes!"  That was a nice one, as most of the changes refer to the audience not the cast.

And before I go, just a quick note.  Hope everyone had a very Happy New Year!!  Best wishes to you all for 2014!!  Let's hope its a good one for us all, with lots of love, happiness, health, wealth and PANTO!!!  Me and Sandy definitely kicked the year of well with Nerf gun battles around the flat and smoke alarm triggering, sparkling candles!!!  What a night!

JB - BB

  

Boxing Day and Bucketing Out

"The three great essentials to achieve anything worth while are: Hard work, Stick-to-itiveness, and Common sense." {Thomas.A.Edison}

I hope all of my readers, loyal and new had a great Christmas.  I know me and my family did.  We were up early and to bed late,with lots of fun and merriment between.  We followed our usual routine, with lots of presents shared and exchanged and Clive and Pauline (my uncle & aunty) were great hosts.  had a smashing dinner again.  And to top it off me and Sandy won a quiz or two!!!  We're not a telly at Crimbo family, apart from HRH.

Although no one wanted another show to be cancelled there was, I have to admit, a small piece of me that was hoping for a phone call Christmas Day evening to say that the water was still posing a problem.  Only you have to understand because of wanting more time with my family and Sandy.  This is however part of the job and so we were up nice and early to allow us time for the drive, with traffic and weather related hold ups.

The shows WERE back on!! And althought the theatr was slightly damp, this post is dedicated to the hard working, back broken crew of the Arnaud! who once again showed their brilliance and dedication.  Many of them had let thipeir homes late Christmas to make sure they were back for the early start; and here's me moaning about a shortage of time!! 

They were in at 9 to start the massive clear up and rescue job needed if the shows were to go on.  They were sweeping out the theatre foyer which had been under eight inches of water at the floods peak, bucketing out pooled water and trying to dry as much of the theatre as possible.  Electrics were made safe, the band all wired up and smells banished as best as possible.  When we got there, I couldn't believe the destruction the flood had caused.  The whole of the foyer was sodden and the restaurant couldn't seat their bookings or cook any food.  The disabled doors had to be left open to try and air the auditorium as the water had gone over the pit and reached the third row of the stalls - so there were some very soggy carpets!!

It made a change for the stage to be cold.  It's normally boiling.  There were plenty of "wet & watery" jokes again, with the audience showing great British spirit and understanding.  Gerry went on with a mop and bucket before the show to announce to the audience what work had been undertaken and how lucky they were to be still seeing the show.  He made an advanced apology for any slow scene changes, as the crew were now faced with a Krypton Factor style challenge to manoeuvre truck and flats, which of course, they did with ease. 

I find it a little odd not having the band down in front of us.  I like to reference them or give Anthony the occasional look.  It's reassuring for me at times and and a bridge between the stage and the audeince.    They however prefer it in the wings as they can sit in a tight huddle and hear each other without headphones.  It seems that due to the continued wet weather after Christmas and into the new year, they will now remain there.

We had signs stuck to the front of the still flooded pit instructing no diving, swimming or fishing, which added a nice touch along with a little rubber duck floating in 'the pond'.  The carpets in the foyer have all be pulled up, so extra heating has been brought in so that patrons aren't cold.   We have the constant threat of the theatre flooding again since Boxing Day, and were still not out of the woods as the rain continues to pour down.

So congratulations to the marvellous Crew and staff at the theatre who got the theatre ready and usable in sich a short window.  You all deserve a medal!!

JB-BB

P.S.  Our little KA didn't make it I'm afraid.  This was the scene on Boxing Day morning, a hundred yards or so from where it had been parked.

We're Dreaming of a DRY Christmas! Part II

I'd already asked Anthony our MD if he could see the pit floor, below the staging platform.  "Just about" he told me, "we've got 3 or 4 inches to play with."  A pit breach was by now inevitable, but everyone was hoping it would happen later and not be very deep. 

We started the show, with the first 30 mins being peppered with water and flood gags.  I even did my opening skit in wellies and brolly in hand.  We had mention of life jacket jokes, the sisters 'floating up to Hardup hall' and audience members being washed away.  By the time we got to the interval however, the situation was beginning to worsen.  We had an LX (electrical) failure in the pit, leaving the band without any lights and the show relay had gone down, meaning Vicky was delivering calls by foot.   For what would by no means be the last time today, the crew jumped into action, managing to get the lights back on and the relay, relaying! 

During the interval another check on the alley alongside stage door saw the water reaching the second step and the KA was now covered halfway up its rear window.  The Brit had to close as the water had now got to the top of their stairs and into their terrace area, alarmingly close to the front doors.  By mid evening these doors will be no match for the rising waters.  The Brit no longer ruled the Wey! 

Word came through during the second act that the pit had now started to flood.  The levels had risen so much in the substage the only place it had left to go was into the pit.  We finished the show, the curtain came down and we were asked to remain on stage, as Jamie Barber, the show producer and theatre director came on from the wings to tell us some sad news.  "Thank you for your efforts today and for another great show, but unfortunately I'm going to have to cancel this evenings performnce, which is very sad but people safety comes first - I can't do it.  So please go home early, have a nice Christmas, put please, please make sure you are back here in plenty of time on Boxing Day in case we need to rework anything."

A few people commented, "Oh I bet you're happy!! You wanted to cancel!" But that wasn't the case, I just knew from the off that there was no way we could get through both shows.  It was in fact very saddening to cancel the Christmas Eve performance, as it's always a good audience and the cast are on a natural high, but as said safety comes first.

The crew sprung into action again, quickly removing all the band's equipment from the pit.  They were positioned in the stage left wing, where they have remained.  I took a wonder around the theatre and took a few pictures.  By now our little KA had about 2 inches of roof showing and the theatre gardens were underwater.  Myself, PG and Robert had to walk all the way around the one way system up bridge street as by now the main bridge at the bottom of the high street had been closed and water was spilling into the road! resulting in closures. Word of accidents and gridlock were filling the air, and again the panic set in.  Would we all get out of Guildford?  

I picked my car up and headed back to the Mount to try and skip some of the traffic.  The sight that lay before me was astonishing. I pulled in to get a quick snap.  The church that I had been sat in only 7 hours earlier was no surrounded by water, and the neighbouring pubs were awash.  

By about around 5pm the water was just reaching the walls of the theatre cafe/restaurant, the mill studio was a complete mess and the water had risen so much in the alley and by the turbine that it had circled the theatre cutting off the main entrance. 

I remained at the theatre, for a while longer, wrapping the remainder of my presents, and left after loading the car.  As I said my goodbyes the water in the pit was now pouring in, over the radiators and filling it up rapidly.  The crew had made a raised gangway out of wooden palates and planks so that you could access the theatre foyer without getting wet, and the F.O.H staff were outside informing the arriving audience of the bad news.

I managed to get into London, Pick sandy up and make it back to the Midlands by 1am.  It had been a very long day, lots of drama, lots of panic and a lot more driving.... So the pint of John Smiths on arrival was much appreciated!! Thanks mom and dad!! 

JB - BB

Christmas Eve 2013 - Flood Map

Before we continue with the 'epic' I thought a little visual May help you understand the level of flooding.  The YA is smack bang in the middle of the map and you can see the river Wey running up the left hand side of the map; the canalised section including the lock runs parallel to this on it's right hand side.

The Carpark outside the Brit! and the road leading to it were under water and the footbridge, marked in light grey on this map, from the Brit to the theatre were completely underwater.  You can just see in the bottom right corner Millbrook Carpark which was also closed and under water. 

The mill studio was under a foot or more of water and was the first building to have to cancel its shows.  The Carpark under the large Debenhams building also had to close due to the flooding.  Come Christmas Day the lower level of the store was also submerged. 

The alley  along the side of the theatre and the previously mentioned water sheds are also marked.  You will probably notice another slip of water in front of the theatre running parallel to the road.  This runs under the road outside the main entrance and feeds the turbine at the mill, and so the theatre is technically on a small island.

It's hard to believe looking at it that most of this picture would have been underwater!!! 

We're Dreaming of a DRY Christmas! Part I

It is only in sorrow bad weather masters us; in joy we face the storm and defy it. {Amelia Barr}

The following morning I was up early so that I could get to the theatre and finish wrapping.  I stopped off at St Nicholas' church on the way [I'll come back to this] and made my way to the theatre.  A road sign warned "Road ahead closed" - referring to the road that runs parallel to the river, down to our beloved Britannia Pub.  As soon as the Wey breaks it's banks this road often floods, so I took the long route around.  Little did I realise how Christmas Eve 2013 was going to pan out!! 

A quick stop for a festive eggnog latte and on to the theatre for a bacon sarnie.  Considering I'd gone in early to get stuff done, I actually spent the next 3 hours looking at the rising river and taking pictures.    At 10am the river had burst it's banks and was just lapping around the wheels of the few remaining cars in the car park.  People were running down to try and rescue the cars they'd obviously left the night before.  One guy pulled his trousers above his knees, removed his shoes and socks and waded through the river to his car, just managing to get it into the council offices car park and safety.  A Ford KA that was there however would not be as fortunate, as I will explain later. 

I managed to cross the Millmead bridge for a few photos and videos before the police eventually closed it off to the public.  The lock was non-existent, with only about 20cm's showing above the water level. The field adjacent to the theatre was now a lake and the water pouring into it, from the lock  and over the towpath formed a rapid.  

Within 30 minutes the bridge was closed, and the water was still rising, quickly.  I've seen a couple of floods in Guildford! the worst a few years ago saw the water just about reach the wall of the Brit, but I said to the public taking pictures like me, that this was "rising to quickly!"

I went round to the foyer of the theatre where the flood boards and sandbags were now being readied.  From the terrace, you can see the whole of the car park, giving a tpgreat vantage point of the increasing depths.  The water was probably a foot or more away from breaching the theatre gardens by 10:40.  Standing on the roof outside dressing room 1, whilst the crew swept off the heavy excess water, I noticed the KA no longer had a visible Tyre.  I started a photo update of the cars fate on Twitter.  

11pm, and by now the water had swamped the lock completely and had just started to lap up the wall of the water sheds.  It was mentioned, as long as the water doesn't breach this building or the alley way, parallel to it, we would be fine at the theatre.  We were joking about only being able to do one show and that we would be home for Christmas early, but I was adamant that this was true! as the water continued to rise.  What started off as a bit of excitement and an amazing example of the power of nature, soon turned more serious.

We at this point still had no sign of any water in the substage or the pit, and so the show would go on as planned.  The main entrance was clear and therefore accessible to patrons.  By now however the KA would have had a flooded boot and quite deep footwells. 

The Wey did in fact breach the alleyway (the location of stage door) at around 12:30, meaning the water sheds (which houses the theatres electric feed) would also have been flooded.  A bit of panic set in as people started to worry whether they would be able to get home for Christmas.  One of our ensemble Fraser found out trains were cancelled from Guildford due to the stormy weathers destruction on the lines.  Thankfully, myself and a member of the crew Rosie both offered him a lift if needed.  

By 1pm at the end of our warmup, half of the stage door alley, was covered in water and thirty minutes later, come beginners, the wholes thing was under and now inaccessible., with the water still creeping up.  By Christmas Day morning this alley would be under a foot of water... Creating a new subsidiary river.  

We went up as planned at 1:30pm with the crew all scrambling around the hatch to the substage.  The water had entered the building and as the buildings design is based on a ship (have a look from the further up the canal next time you're there) it was ironic that this ship was now sinking.

Continued in Part II

A Very Windy Arnaud!!

Bathroom humor, fart, and poo poo humor in movies gets a laugh. It's a pretty easy audience, and that's been around for ages. {Selma Blair}

The past couple of posts have been a little jumbled, time wise due to a bit of a backlog.  From here though we return to a chronological order starting from Monday 23rd December.

More mischief has hit the village of Stoneybroke.  And this time it's the other sister, Kit Hesketh Harvey, that's been at the root of it.  Firstly I should explain, that Kit is a very dry, extremely intelligent and instantly quick witted performer, who is very hard to throw of course when it comes to corpsing.  So, when you do manage to shake him, you have to jump on it and revel in success.  But be warned... He will seek vengeance!

We're back in the woods for the ghost gag! and from the off things are on a downwards spiral.  At the end of their number in the previous scene, I could see that kit' swig was on the wobble.  On their entrance to the woods PG obviously had the same thought and burst into a fit of giggles at the beehive wig that was now resting horizontally. 

"Ladies... There's nothing to be scared of... Except your wig!" I said as PG tried to sort it out for Kit.  As the wig popped upright I said to Kit, "oh, you've had a little blue pill!"  He was by now laughing at his own expense, and stuttered over his line "ha ha ha ha Hardup hall."  Me and PG's jumped on it mocking the stutter, but our joy was short lived, within the space of two minutes we'd both (probably through lack of concentration) mucked a line or word up and Kit was there.... Ready to remind us of his ability.

But that wasn't the only problem for Kitty, that day.  In the next performance, in the kitchen scene, Kitty stamps her foot to kill an insect, which had been done every show since the tech.  No wonder then that the heel would eventually come flying off mid scene, leading to another Kit corpse and a wobbly sister, hobbling around stage.  When Cinders tells Buttons that the sisters have some "Lelly Kelly shoes" I questioned, "they haven't got heels on have they, she might need them!"

The funniest moment however was not an actor error but a sound error.  Due to a change in our 'liveracne' routine, we had to remove three flatulence sound FX, each one getting longer and louder.  Chris Tindall, sound 1, deleted the sound FX from the playlist and thought all was well.   technology however should never, fully, be trusted.  

We're mid ball scene, Cinders and the Prince have just come face to face for the second time and are looking lovingly into each other's eyes.  As scripted, a freeze frame from the entire cast on stage and a voice over warning from fairy snow about leaving before midnight.  So all was going as predicted, the cast froze and waited for Bonnie's voice to fill the auditorium as Tom and Alice gazed into each other's eyes - smitten!

Instead. "thrrrrp!"  It was very faint and quite quiet but it was there all the same.  A small leakage of gas filled the ballroom.  I was in my dressing room, but on hearing this over the relay, knew something was amiss and ran down to prompt corner.  The actors on stage all had a slight smirk, through the shock but tried in earnest to carry on and remain in character.

Meanwhile at the sound desk, Mr Tindall is obviously baffled!!  How has this sound effect got back into the cue list?  In a state of panic and trying to find the right cue he fast forward the list two tracks, but as I mentioned, there were originally three windy SFX.  Barely managing to keep a straight face as it is, the entire cast and audience burst into a fit of laughter as a second, much louder and much longer noise graced the stage... " THRRRRRRRRRRRPPPPPPPPPPPPP!" There was no escaping it!  The Prince wafted his hand at Cinderella... Maybe it wasn't only her ponies with 'issues'.

Everyone was in hysterics.  We couldn't stop laughing about it.  I went down for my entrance into the woods a few minutes later and Will (Dandini) was still doubled over.  It carried on further into our favourite (and now recognisably I'll-fated) ghost gag scene.  We were struggling to get the words out through four titters, but we plowed on.  Cue another ghostly sound effect.  Nothing.  Chris was now in such a panic over what had happened he hurriedly tried to figure out what had happened and how to fix it - this distraction however meant he missed the next cue.

"Well!" I said to the audience "we were expecting a sound effect there ladies and gentlemen!!  I just hope it's the right one this time. Thrrrrrrrrrrrp!"  My ad-libed raspberry triggered more laughter from the audience and of course PG!!! Who was now laughing so hard he was letting out a half squeal, which in turn set myself and Kit off.  "This show's going really well isn't it!" I asked them on stage.

The rain outside had now reached storm level; Very heavy rain and strong gusting winds.  I decided to move my car the night before Christmas Eve, as I needed to pop to Tesco to pick up the Xmas cheese and I didn't want my car to be stuck at the top of a steep hill if the weather worsened.  There were already trees and branches down and water was pooling everywhere.

Following my shopping trip Is at on the bed in my loft room digs, unable to hear the TV over the storm. Suddenly, thunder... Never heard by myself on Christmas Eve... Had the mynas got their year wrong?!  I find the noise of a storm quite relaxing, but little did I know what situation would be waiting for us the following morning!!  This was going to be a Christmas Eve to remember....

To be continued...

JB - BB

Never Work with Children or Animals - Especially Performing Ponies!!

Children are unpredictable. You never know what inconsistency they're going to catch you in next. {Franklin.P.Jones}

I'm an avid Panto fan.  I see as many pantos as I can each season to try and develop my craft and get new ideas and oneliners.  I read joke books and text books on the genre to try and give myself a body of ammo that can be used to get the upper hand of fellow cast members, the audience and most importantly, the songsheet.

This prep work, has all been leading to my first stint as lead comic, as they along with the dame are the ones with the most opportunity to ad-lib and pass comment.  Obviously a quick wit is your key tool, but I think that having a body of gags tucked away in the old grey matter to fall back on is a must.  

I chose "You Are My Sunshine" as my song this year, as I wanted something a bit more traditional and recognisable to the more senior family members.  If you can get Dad and Grandad on side and singing along, the children will join in, even if it's just random noises!!  This song also allows room for some actions for the audience to join in with, which I added for the relaxed performance but have kept in as it went down so well.

I'd always look forward to doing the songsheet, but as doing it real time approached, I became more nervous.  The first three or four times, I was keen to just get it done, get the kids off the stage again and be back in the comfort zone.  As confidence grew however, the challenge and fun of the songsheet became a great appeal, and despite being slightly out of breath at the beginning of it, I now thrive on it!!  I hope each show for some 'little characters' to come up and do the work for me... Find a quirky child, or one with a very short attention span and the comedy is there, on a huge platter, waiting for your response.  And boy.... Have I had some characters!! 

My first little Angel was called Amelia who from the moment she came on stage was eager to be the one in the spotlight.  She kept giggling, walking over to me in front of the other kids and was generally full of beans.  When I finally got to her and started questioning her she started to bounce on the spot.  Seizing the opportunity I decided to conduct the interview in the same manor, claiming it was making me feel seasick.  She continued, and so the rest of the songsheet was done by a bouncy Buttons - the  extra payoff came when she was asked what she wanted for Christmas.  The response.  A trampoline! 

I had another little girl who was covered in chicken pox, who I rushed through I'm sorry to say, but having never had it the hypochondriac in me came rushing to the surface.   Another little fellow, when questioned about his favourite part of the show replied "the end!" Causing much amusement for the audience and myself.  I did clarify with him that he meant the Riverdance skit! but still! choice of words and timing were priceless.  As I said... They do the work for you. 

I've had a small handful of kids who have been very stubborn, and showed no desire to either be interviewed or do any singing, begging the question why they came up in the first place.  One trio of siblings, stood with their arms crossed - refusing to sing - so I sat down next to them and did the same.  The family were in that night and they thought it was well handled.  Hope so.  At least the slightly more boisterous children are giving sometching;  in fact one girl gave a little too much.  "How old are you Jessica?" No response.... Instead a shake of the head and a quick ninja like flick of the arm that sent the mic rocketing back towards me, and more precisely my lip.  I fell over pretending it had hit me harder than it did which got a nice reaction, and played on the fact of being scared of her... "Alright don't hurt me!"  There was in fact a little blood... Delightful!

My final mention goes to a lovely little girl, who turned out to be 2!! Unfortunately she wasn't quite at a competent interview level and the only thing I could get out of her was gobbledygook! Name? "Shlabuldeebiewoobleflug".  Age? "Chew" translated as two.  Home? "Gooselibermup". I was looking to her older sister for translations as the only legible answer I got was to the question "what do you want for Christmas?"  Now it could just have been nonsense again but her answer was a "farting puppy!"  Deal with that lead comic! 

[Just to warn you - this paragraph continues a lot of poo!] 

But it's not just our little humans that are getting up to no good.  At the start of the run it was very rare for us to get through the transformation scene without one or both of our ponies, Buttons and Holly, leaving deposits on the stage.  They did, as promised by Wendy their handler, settle down and we had a massive run of 14 shows without a pooper-scooper insight.  

That was however before "the dangler" on an evening performance when I had some friends in.  The ponies came on as usual, me and Cinders "surprised" as ever to see them toddle on.  They took position, as did we and Bonnie continued with her dialogue.  Then came the reliant sign that the ponies had "run-a-muck".... The audience and babes always start laughing!! We can't see what they're doing usually because of the dry ice covering the floor, but that night all was visible.  The titters started when the pony lifted it's tail.  Then came the first sign of his 'leavings' but instead of dropping to the stage as president has shown, it hung there.  I caught sight of a lady on the front row in hysterics pointing at said poop, and as the pony put all of his heart into it and forced the troublesome turd out, her finger followed it to the floor, followed by a cheer from her and the rest of the audience as it hit the ground.  There we are working of butts off, when in actual fact all we really needed to do was empty them out! 

On that fragrant note, toodles!

JB - BB