Boxing Day and Bucketing Out

"The three great essentials to achieve anything worth while are: Hard work, Stick-to-itiveness, and Common sense." {Thomas.A.Edison}

I hope all of my readers, loyal and new had a great Christmas.  I know me and my family did.  We were up early and to bed late,with lots of fun and merriment between.  We followed our usual routine, with lots of presents shared and exchanged and Clive and Pauline (my uncle & aunty) were great hosts.  had a smashing dinner again.  And to top it off me and Sandy won a quiz or two!!!  We're not a telly at Crimbo family, apart from HRH.

Although no one wanted another show to be cancelled there was, I have to admit, a small piece of me that was hoping for a phone call Christmas Day evening to say that the water was still posing a problem.  Only you have to understand because of wanting more time with my family and Sandy.  This is however part of the job and so we were up nice and early to allow us time for the drive, with traffic and weather related hold ups.

The shows WERE back on!! And althought the theatr was slightly damp, this post is dedicated to the hard working, back broken crew of the Arnaud! who once again showed their brilliance and dedication.  Many of them had let thipeir homes late Christmas to make sure they were back for the early start; and here's me moaning about a shortage of time!! 

They were in at 9 to start the massive clear up and rescue job needed if the shows were to go on.  They were sweeping out the theatre foyer which had been under eight inches of water at the floods peak, bucketing out pooled water and trying to dry as much of the theatre as possible.  Electrics were made safe, the band all wired up and smells banished as best as possible.  When we got there, I couldn't believe the destruction the flood had caused.  The whole of the foyer was sodden and the restaurant couldn't seat their bookings or cook any food.  The disabled doors had to be left open to try and air the auditorium as the water had gone over the pit and reached the third row of the stalls - so there were some very soggy carpets!!

It made a change for the stage to be cold.  It's normally boiling.  There were plenty of "wet & watery" jokes again, with the audience showing great British spirit and understanding.  Gerry went on with a mop and bucket before the show to announce to the audience what work had been undertaken and how lucky they were to be still seeing the show.  He made an advanced apology for any slow scene changes, as the crew were now faced with a Krypton Factor style challenge to manoeuvre truck and flats, which of course, they did with ease. 

I find it a little odd not having the band down in front of us.  I like to reference them or give Anthony the occasional look.  It's reassuring for me at times and and a bridge between the stage and the audeince.    They however prefer it in the wings as they can sit in a tight huddle and hear each other without headphones.  It seems that due to the continued wet weather after Christmas and into the new year, they will now remain there.

We had signs stuck to the front of the still flooded pit instructing no diving, swimming or fishing, which added a nice touch along with a little rubber duck floating in 'the pond'.  The carpets in the foyer have all be pulled up, so extra heating has been brought in so that patrons aren't cold.   We have the constant threat of the theatre flooding again since Boxing Day, and were still not out of the woods as the rain continues to pour down.

So congratulations to the marvellous Crew and staff at the theatre who got the theatre ready and usable in sich a short window.  You all deserve a medal!!

JB-BB

P.S.  Our little KA didn't make it I'm afraid.  This was the scene on Boxing Day morning, a hundred yards or so from where it had been parked.

We're Dreaming of a DRY Christmas! Part II

I'd already asked Anthony our MD if he could see the pit floor, below the staging platform.  "Just about" he told me, "we've got 3 or 4 inches to play with."  A pit breach was by now inevitable, but everyone was hoping it would happen later and not be very deep. 

We started the show, with the first 30 mins being peppered with water and flood gags.  I even did my opening skit in wellies and brolly in hand.  We had mention of life jacket jokes, the sisters 'floating up to Hardup hall' and audience members being washed away.  By the time we got to the interval however, the situation was beginning to worsen.  We had an LX (electrical) failure in the pit, leaving the band without any lights and the show relay had gone down, meaning Vicky was delivering calls by foot.   For what would by no means be the last time today, the crew jumped into action, managing to get the lights back on and the relay, relaying! 

During the interval another check on the alley alongside stage door saw the water reaching the second step and the KA was now covered halfway up its rear window.  The Brit had to close as the water had now got to the top of their stairs and into their terrace area, alarmingly close to the front doors.  By mid evening these doors will be no match for the rising waters.  The Brit no longer ruled the Wey! 

Word came through during the second act that the pit had now started to flood.  The levels had risen so much in the substage the only place it had left to go was into the pit.  We finished the show, the curtain came down and we were asked to remain on stage, as Jamie Barber, the show producer and theatre director came on from the wings to tell us some sad news.  "Thank you for your efforts today and for another great show, but unfortunately I'm going to have to cancel this evenings performnce, which is very sad but people safety comes first - I can't do it.  So please go home early, have a nice Christmas, put please, please make sure you are back here in plenty of time on Boxing Day in case we need to rework anything."

A few people commented, "Oh I bet you're happy!! You wanted to cancel!" But that wasn't the case, I just knew from the off that there was no way we could get through both shows.  It was in fact very saddening to cancel the Christmas Eve performance, as it's always a good audience and the cast are on a natural high, but as said safety comes first.

The crew sprung into action again, quickly removing all the band's equipment from the pit.  They were positioned in the stage left wing, where they have remained.  I took a wonder around the theatre and took a few pictures.  By now our little KA had about 2 inches of roof showing and the theatre gardens were underwater.  Myself, PG and Robert had to walk all the way around the one way system up bridge street as by now the main bridge at the bottom of the high street had been closed and water was spilling into the road! resulting in closures. Word of accidents and gridlock were filling the air, and again the panic set in.  Would we all get out of Guildford?  

I picked my car up and headed back to the Mount to try and skip some of the traffic.  The sight that lay before me was astonishing. I pulled in to get a quick snap.  The church that I had been sat in only 7 hours earlier was no surrounded by water, and the neighbouring pubs were awash.  

By about around 5pm the water was just reaching the walls of the theatre cafe/restaurant, the mill studio was a complete mess and the water had risen so much in the alley and by the turbine that it had circled the theatre cutting off the main entrance. 

I remained at the theatre, for a while longer, wrapping the remainder of my presents, and left after loading the car.  As I said my goodbyes the water in the pit was now pouring in, over the radiators and filling it up rapidly.  The crew had made a raised gangway out of wooden palates and planks so that you could access the theatre foyer without getting wet, and the F.O.H staff were outside informing the arriving audience of the bad news.

I managed to get into London, Pick sandy up and make it back to the Midlands by 1am.  It had been a very long day, lots of drama, lots of panic and a lot more driving.... So the pint of John Smiths on arrival was much appreciated!! Thanks mom and dad!! 

JB - BB

Christmas Eve 2013 - Flood Map

Before we continue with the 'epic' I thought a little visual May help you understand the level of flooding.  The YA is smack bang in the middle of the map and you can see the river Wey running up the left hand side of the map; the canalised section including the lock runs parallel to this on it's right hand side.

The Carpark outside the Brit! and the road leading to it were under water and the footbridge, marked in light grey on this map, from the Brit to the theatre were completely underwater.  You can just see in the bottom right corner Millbrook Carpark which was also closed and under water. 

The mill studio was under a foot or more of water and was the first building to have to cancel its shows.  The Carpark under the large Debenhams building also had to close due to the flooding.  Come Christmas Day the lower level of the store was also submerged. 

The alley  along the side of the theatre and the previously mentioned water sheds are also marked.  You will probably notice another slip of water in front of the theatre running parallel to the road.  This runs under the road outside the main entrance and feeds the turbine at the mill, and so the theatre is technically on a small island.

It's hard to believe looking at it that most of this picture would have been underwater!!! 

We're Dreaming of a DRY Christmas! Part I

It is only in sorrow bad weather masters us; in joy we face the storm and defy it. {Amelia Barr}

The following morning I was up early so that I could get to the theatre and finish wrapping.  I stopped off at St Nicholas' church on the way [I'll come back to this] and made my way to the theatre.  A road sign warned "Road ahead closed" - referring to the road that runs parallel to the river, down to our beloved Britannia Pub.  As soon as the Wey breaks it's banks this road often floods, so I took the long route around.  Little did I realise how Christmas Eve 2013 was going to pan out!! 

A quick stop for a festive eggnog latte and on to the theatre for a bacon sarnie.  Considering I'd gone in early to get stuff done, I actually spent the next 3 hours looking at the rising river and taking pictures.    At 10am the river had burst it's banks and was just lapping around the wheels of the few remaining cars in the car park.  People were running down to try and rescue the cars they'd obviously left the night before.  One guy pulled his trousers above his knees, removed his shoes and socks and waded through the river to his car, just managing to get it into the council offices car park and safety.  A Ford KA that was there however would not be as fortunate, as I will explain later. 

I managed to cross the Millmead bridge for a few photos and videos before the police eventually closed it off to the public.  The lock was non-existent, with only about 20cm's showing above the water level. The field adjacent to the theatre was now a lake and the water pouring into it, from the lock  and over the towpath formed a rapid.  

Within 30 minutes the bridge was closed, and the water was still rising, quickly.  I've seen a couple of floods in Guildford! the worst a few years ago saw the water just about reach the wall of the Brit, but I said to the public taking pictures like me, that this was "rising to quickly!"

I went round to the foyer of the theatre where the flood boards and sandbags were now being readied.  From the terrace, you can see the whole of the car park, giving a tpgreat vantage point of the increasing depths.  The water was probably a foot or more away from breaching the theatre gardens by 10:40.  Standing on the roof outside dressing room 1, whilst the crew swept off the heavy excess water, I noticed the KA no longer had a visible Tyre.  I started a photo update of the cars fate on Twitter.  

11pm, and by now the water had swamped the lock completely and had just started to lap up the wall of the water sheds.  It was mentioned, as long as the water doesn't breach this building or the alley way, parallel to it, we would be fine at the theatre.  We were joking about only being able to do one show and that we would be home for Christmas early, but I was adamant that this was true! as the water continued to rise.  What started off as a bit of excitement and an amazing example of the power of nature, soon turned more serious.

We at this point still had no sign of any water in the substage or the pit, and so the show would go on as planned.  The main entrance was clear and therefore accessible to patrons.  By now however the KA would have had a flooded boot and quite deep footwells. 

The Wey did in fact breach the alleyway (the location of stage door) at around 12:30, meaning the water sheds (which houses the theatres electric feed) would also have been flooded.  A bit of panic set in as people started to worry whether they would be able to get home for Christmas.  One of our ensemble Fraser found out trains were cancelled from Guildford due to the stormy weathers destruction on the lines.  Thankfully, myself and a member of the crew Rosie both offered him a lift if needed.  

By 1pm at the end of our warmup, half of the stage door alley, was covered in water and thirty minutes later, come beginners, the wholes thing was under and now inaccessible., with the water still creeping up.  By Christmas Day morning this alley would be under a foot of water... Creating a new subsidiary river.  

We went up as planned at 1:30pm with the crew all scrambling around the hatch to the substage.  The water had entered the building and as the buildings design is based on a ship (have a look from the further up the canal next time you're there) it was ironic that this ship was now sinking.

Continued in Part II

A Very Windy Arnaud!!

Bathroom humor, fart, and poo poo humor in movies gets a laugh. It's a pretty easy audience, and that's been around for ages. {Selma Blair}

The past couple of posts have been a little jumbled, time wise due to a bit of a backlog.  From here though we return to a chronological order starting from Monday 23rd December.

More mischief has hit the village of Stoneybroke.  And this time it's the other sister, Kit Hesketh Harvey, that's been at the root of it.  Firstly I should explain, that Kit is a very dry, extremely intelligent and instantly quick witted performer, who is very hard to throw of course when it comes to corpsing.  So, when you do manage to shake him, you have to jump on it and revel in success.  But be warned... He will seek vengeance!

We're back in the woods for the ghost gag! and from the off things are on a downwards spiral.  At the end of their number in the previous scene, I could see that kit' swig was on the wobble.  On their entrance to the woods PG obviously had the same thought and burst into a fit of giggles at the beehive wig that was now resting horizontally. 

"Ladies... There's nothing to be scared of... Except your wig!" I said as PG tried to sort it out for Kit.  As the wig popped upright I said to Kit, "oh, you've had a little blue pill!"  He was by now laughing at his own expense, and stuttered over his line "ha ha ha ha Hardup hall."  Me and PG's jumped on it mocking the stutter, but our joy was short lived, within the space of two minutes we'd both (probably through lack of concentration) mucked a line or word up and Kit was there.... Ready to remind us of his ability.

But that wasn't the only problem for Kitty, that day.  In the next performance, in the kitchen scene, Kitty stamps her foot to kill an insect, which had been done every show since the tech.  No wonder then that the heel would eventually come flying off mid scene, leading to another Kit corpse and a wobbly sister, hobbling around stage.  When Cinders tells Buttons that the sisters have some "Lelly Kelly shoes" I questioned, "they haven't got heels on have they, she might need them!"

The funniest moment however was not an actor error but a sound error.  Due to a change in our 'liveracne' routine, we had to remove three flatulence sound FX, each one getting longer and louder.  Chris Tindall, sound 1, deleted the sound FX from the playlist and thought all was well.   technology however should never, fully, be trusted.  

We're mid ball scene, Cinders and the Prince have just come face to face for the second time and are looking lovingly into each other's eyes.  As scripted, a freeze frame from the entire cast on stage and a voice over warning from fairy snow about leaving before midnight.  So all was going as predicted, the cast froze and waited for Bonnie's voice to fill the auditorium as Tom and Alice gazed into each other's eyes - smitten!

Instead. "thrrrrp!"  It was very faint and quite quiet but it was there all the same.  A small leakage of gas filled the ballroom.  I was in my dressing room, but on hearing this over the relay, knew something was amiss and ran down to prompt corner.  The actors on stage all had a slight smirk, through the shock but tried in earnest to carry on and remain in character.

Meanwhile at the sound desk, Mr Tindall is obviously baffled!!  How has this sound effect got back into the cue list?  In a state of panic and trying to find the right cue he fast forward the list two tracks, but as I mentioned, there were originally three windy SFX.  Barely managing to keep a straight face as it is, the entire cast and audience burst into a fit of laughter as a second, much louder and much longer noise graced the stage... " THRRRRRRRRRRRPPPPPPPPPPPPP!" There was no escaping it!  The Prince wafted his hand at Cinderella... Maybe it wasn't only her ponies with 'issues'.

Everyone was in hysterics.  We couldn't stop laughing about it.  I went down for my entrance into the woods a few minutes later and Will (Dandini) was still doubled over.  It carried on further into our favourite (and now recognisably I'll-fated) ghost gag scene.  We were struggling to get the words out through four titters, but we plowed on.  Cue another ghostly sound effect.  Nothing.  Chris was now in such a panic over what had happened he hurriedly tried to figure out what had happened and how to fix it - this distraction however meant he missed the next cue.

"Well!" I said to the audience "we were expecting a sound effect there ladies and gentlemen!!  I just hope it's the right one this time. Thrrrrrrrrrrrp!"  My ad-libed raspberry triggered more laughter from the audience and of course PG!!! Who was now laughing so hard he was letting out a half squeal, which in turn set myself and Kit off.  "This show's going really well isn't it!" I asked them on stage.

The rain outside had now reached storm level; Very heavy rain and strong gusting winds.  I decided to move my car the night before Christmas Eve, as I needed to pop to Tesco to pick up the Xmas cheese and I didn't want my car to be stuck at the top of a steep hill if the weather worsened.  There were already trees and branches down and water was pooling everywhere.

Following my shopping trip Is at on the bed in my loft room digs, unable to hear the TV over the storm. Suddenly, thunder... Never heard by myself on Christmas Eve... Had the mynas got their year wrong?!  I find the noise of a storm quite relaxing, but little did I know what situation would be waiting for us the following morning!!  This was going to be a Christmas Eve to remember....

To be continued...

JB - BB

Never Work with Children or Animals - Especially Performing Ponies!!

Children are unpredictable. You never know what inconsistency they're going to catch you in next. {Franklin.P.Jones}

I'm an avid Panto fan.  I see as many pantos as I can each season to try and develop my craft and get new ideas and oneliners.  I read joke books and text books on the genre to try and give myself a body of ammo that can be used to get the upper hand of fellow cast members, the audience and most importantly, the songsheet.

This prep work, has all been leading to my first stint as lead comic, as they along with the dame are the ones with the most opportunity to ad-lib and pass comment.  Obviously a quick wit is your key tool, but I think that having a body of gags tucked away in the old grey matter to fall back on is a must.  

I chose "You Are My Sunshine" as my song this year, as I wanted something a bit more traditional and recognisable to the more senior family members.  If you can get Dad and Grandad on side and singing along, the children will join in, even if it's just random noises!!  This song also allows room for some actions for the audience to join in with, which I added for the relaxed performance but have kept in as it went down so well.

I'd always look forward to doing the songsheet, but as doing it real time approached, I became more nervous.  The first three or four times, I was keen to just get it done, get the kids off the stage again and be back in the comfort zone.  As confidence grew however, the challenge and fun of the songsheet became a great appeal, and despite being slightly out of breath at the beginning of it, I now thrive on it!!  I hope each show for some 'little characters' to come up and do the work for me... Find a quirky child, or one with a very short attention span and the comedy is there, on a huge platter, waiting for your response.  And boy.... Have I had some characters!! 

My first little Angel was called Amelia who from the moment she came on stage was eager to be the one in the spotlight.  She kept giggling, walking over to me in front of the other kids and was generally full of beans.  When I finally got to her and started questioning her she started to bounce on the spot.  Seizing the opportunity I decided to conduct the interview in the same manor, claiming it was making me feel seasick.  She continued, and so the rest of the songsheet was done by a bouncy Buttons - the  extra payoff came when she was asked what she wanted for Christmas.  The response.  A trampoline! 

I had another little girl who was covered in chicken pox, who I rushed through I'm sorry to say, but having never had it the hypochondriac in me came rushing to the surface.   Another little fellow, when questioned about his favourite part of the show replied "the end!" Causing much amusement for the audience and myself.  I did clarify with him that he meant the Riverdance skit! but still! choice of words and timing were priceless.  As I said... They do the work for you. 

I've had a small handful of kids who have been very stubborn, and showed no desire to either be interviewed or do any singing, begging the question why they came up in the first place.  One trio of siblings, stood with their arms crossed - refusing to sing - so I sat down next to them and did the same.  The family were in that night and they thought it was well handled.  Hope so.  At least the slightly more boisterous children are giving sometching;  in fact one girl gave a little too much.  "How old are you Jessica?" No response.... Instead a shake of the head and a quick ninja like flick of the arm that sent the mic rocketing back towards me, and more precisely my lip.  I fell over pretending it had hit me harder than it did which got a nice reaction, and played on the fact of being scared of her... "Alright don't hurt me!"  There was in fact a little blood... Delightful!

My final mention goes to a lovely little girl, who turned out to be 2!! Unfortunately she wasn't quite at a competent interview level and the only thing I could get out of her was gobbledygook! Name? "Shlabuldeebiewoobleflug".  Age? "Chew" translated as two.  Home? "Gooselibermup". I was looking to her older sister for translations as the only legible answer I got was to the question "what do you want for Christmas?"  Now it could just have been nonsense again but her answer was a "farting puppy!"  Deal with that lead comic! 

[Just to warn you - this paragraph continues a lot of poo!] 

But it's not just our little humans that are getting up to no good.  At the start of the run it was very rare for us to get through the transformation scene without one or both of our ponies, Buttons and Holly, leaving deposits on the stage.  They did, as promised by Wendy their handler, settle down and we had a massive run of 14 shows without a pooper-scooper insight.  

That was however before "the dangler" on an evening performance when I had some friends in.  The ponies came on as usual, me and Cinders "surprised" as ever to see them toddle on.  They took position, as did we and Bonnie continued with her dialogue.  Then came the reliant sign that the ponies had "run-a-muck".... The audience and babes always start laughing!! We can't see what they're doing usually because of the dry ice covering the floor, but that night all was visible.  The titters started when the pony lifted it's tail.  Then came the first sign of his 'leavings' but instead of dropping to the stage as president has shown, it hung there.  I caught sight of a lady on the front row in hysterics pointing at said poop, and as the pony put all of his heart into it and forced the troublesome turd out, her finger followed it to the floor, followed by a cheer from her and the rest of the audience as it hit the ground.  There we are working of butts off, when in actual fact all we really needed to do was empty them out! 

On that fragrant note, toodles!

JB - BB

Santa Comes Early in Pantoland

"Tradition is a very powerful force." {John.P.Kotter}

It is a tradition of the crew at the Arnaud, as well as organising events like the quiz night, the murder game and film nights etc, to host a grab bag party... Also known as secret Santa!  You pick a name from the hat in secret as is customary and buy a present for that person.  Genuine, jokey or just generic.  

Then a couple of days before Christmas, between shows the crew set up the stage for the party.  We all toddle down to find a massive table filled with meat, cheese, bread, crisps, cakes, juices and lots of party food.  As well as a little bit of healthiness of course; cucumber, celery, carrots etc.

For me it was another opportunity for a crew cheeseboard!! 

Then the magical moment arrived, Father Christmas and one of his reindeer.  It's a shame but Chris Tindall and Sooz always seem to miss him.  I received a box of Cadbury buttons! a wolly hat and a pair of socks which say best friends forever.... I guessed straight we away who they were from, but she (our Cinders Alice) had written her name on for good measure.  

PJ received an inflatable , remote controlled Dalek, which bought much amusement and even made one or two sneaky appearances in the show.  

You've gotta love the Arnaud Crew!!

JB - BB

The crew commander & chief Liza.