There were a lot of things making me nervous about Panto before we started. Lots of pressures and expectations. But out of all of them three were more dominant. The singing or rather the carrying of a song, the songsheet and handling the children and finally the ad-libbing. I like to think I've proven my ability to follow the script and get the comedy across, but in these three areas, I would be laid bare!
I see as many pantomimes as I can each season, read and watch lots of comedy material, and have researched lots of gags and skits in the V&A's panto archive... always jotting down good ideas and funny gags - hoping they will commit to memory. This research has served me well over the run, giving me a substantial ammo, to use in different situations... not least against hecklers.
I love a heckle. In the right place and time, a well judged heckle can make the show for some audiences, especially if the Dame or lead comic has a witty retort. There are certain places in the show where I came to expect certain lines from the audience or even cast members and would be a little bit disappointed if they didn't come.
One of my favourites came quite early in the run, when I explained that there was "no one left for" Buttons. "Marry the Sisters" came a giggly ladies advice... "No thanks Luv!! They have that little extra something that just doesn't do it for me!"
We had two very helpful childen (on seperate occassions), who upon hearing Cinders tell me that she loves me "like a brother" shouted "You're mean" and "That's a bit harsh!" These were gifts. We both false corpsed a little and I continued my lines "Like a brother? That's a bit harsh/mean Cinders!" Reusing the heckle really struck a chord with the audience and always got a good laugh, so I'd try and do that whenever possible.
Then of course you get heckles which, if not handled correctly, could jar the plot somewhat. We experienced a few times, especially with the pre-Christmas school audiences, children advising Cinders not to marry the prince... "Say NO!!! Marry Buttons!!!" I'd often react with a cheeky smile, wiggle of the eyebrows and the occassional thumbs up, which often worked really well, if I was at the time, head down and sulking. Then there was the kid who kept shouting "she's in the cupboard" throughout the whole scene, even before all the characters were on the stage. Obviously you have to listen to the audience, and if you have a rowdy bunch in and have to skip ahead a few lines thats no big problem... but, a whole scene?!?! Eventually I called out... "We know she's in the cupbiard, we've read the script - bare with us we'll get her out in a minute!"
I love with a capital L people whistling or shouting out comments like "I'll marry you Buttons" or "we love you Buttons"... it's a friendly heckle and gives lots of scope for reaction. "I know luv, you're only human" "Calm it darling" or "I don't blame!" are all effective. Usually once someone has shouted and you've passed comment that's it - you move on, but one particular show we had a very frisky lady, sitting at the back of the theatre. She'd made comments about loving Buttons and I'd replied each time, adding in another fave of my... "Thank you sweetheart - dressing room five!" but she simply didn't stop. Eventually I made a gag about her not following the conventions of panto and "spoiling the show!" telling her "I'm trying to do some serious acting here!" It was all done in good spirit though, so she even made it into my rhyming couplet...
"The Baron's paid my wages and the money I don't lack.
So we're going on a double date with the woman at the back!"
Panto is family entertainment, and as I mentioned you can rest pretty easy that any heckles will be friendly, polite and probably aid you in the comedy stakes. Imagine how shocked I was then, to receive the heckler from hell....
It was the monday night before New Year's Eve and everyone was in good spirits! The show went up and straight away from Bonnies entrance this guy started making silly comments. Tom would come on, when announced as 'Prince Charming' to which would come "he wishes!" and the sisters took their share of the aggro also. But I think it's pretty fair to say that I took the brunt...
Now, before I go further I need to clarify, the man in question was a family man, with his wife and children, simply trying to have a good time; although myself, the cast and the rest of the audience would probably question his timing and humour. It started with banter regarding my accent... but not the usual word or two, he was throing in whole sentences and phrases, trying to be funny and suggesting that the reason Cnders didn't love me was because of my voice. A positive "I Love you Buttons" from a lady elsewhere lead to me telling him "see... some people like me accent!"
But this man simply didn't shush... he was relentless and although I came back to his jibes as best I could, eventually I ran out of ammo. I'm a comedy actor after all not a stand up turn. The final scene with Bonnie and Alice, was difficult and I could see on other audience members faces that they were getting tired of it. We decided tto try and ignore him the best we could and not to react to any more of his jibes. Easier said than done of course.
We arrived at the ghost gag scene and I am suddenly left alone, centre stage with two water pistols. I couldn't miss the opporunity. "Now, what is the current conversion rate? I think it's two squirts for every heckle!" wry smile and a slow, turn of the head in his direction, prompted a knowing round of applause from the audience. they knew whatw as coming and could obviously tell I now had the upper hand. Yet still he shouldn't abuse... "i aint afraid of ya!" etc etc.. that was until the ghosts all ran on with pistols... "See mate.... I've got friends! - Ok goolies... GET HIM!" suffice to say he got a soaking.
I did think at one point maybe this bloke was paid to come and put me off... he was obviously a pro. In my final "sympathy grabbing" scene he called out that I should "get the coach back to Digbeth, Cuz no woman around here will love ya!" Charming fellow. I had to tell him "you're not home mate, you cant shout at me like you do your TV!"
To add to my trauma, another fellow shouted out that he'd marry me, which led to me telling the audience "All I'm left with is Him (the proposer)...HIM (Mr Heckler).... and my memories, all bad ones tonight!" And low and behold I only got two kids up in the song sheet, both of whom were the hecklers.
"Do you find your Daddy shouting out funny?!"
"NO!"
"Thank heavens ladies and gentleme, it doesn't run in the family!"
Not only that, the stage door keeper decided to add a joke name to my shout outlist. I normally check all the names, just in case, I used to put false names in when I was ushering, but this show I was too busy and too flustered. I went on and shouted with a ounce of shame "Happy 65th Birthday to Hugh Jayness! Where's Hugh Jayness! Oh no.... is that a joke!!! " I looked into the wings, "Tonight of all nights! Really?! After I've had to put up with him?!" I think the audience felt my pain.
To close this rather lengthy post and an evening that seemed to go on forever, I altered my rhyming couplet to;
"The Baron's paid my wages and it's quite a hefty packet.
So I'm off to buy a Muffler for the guy who's made a racket!!!"
Thanks for the education mate, but please.... Don't come again - at least not until next year!
JB - BB
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